Relax, I’m not actually a fashionable psychopath like Patrick Bateman or Jennifer Check. I am simply fashionable, and do some psychotic things! For instance, whenever I travel, I make a PowerPoint presentation of all my outfits. All ranked by practicality of course (I’m not an animal).
The most recent presentation I created was for Spring Break, which my family and I spent in Rincón (The most American place in Puerto Rico). And I thought I’d show you how my pre-planned outfits ended up looking. Shall we:
#1 Adam Sandler and Bella Hadid’s love child
I got these shorts from Zara a while ago and couldn’t figure out how to style them without looking like Adam Sandler. I ended up going with the easiest way out: a white T-shirt. Only slightly spiced up by these Urban Outfitters sunglasses (which I talked about in another post). Overall, this outfit was high on the practicality scale. It served its purpose to perfection! A comfortable ensemble to sit in the car for two hours, and quite honestly, it exceeded my expectations. Rated: Model off duty / 10
#2 Serena Van Der Woodsen visits the beach
I did my best to channel my inner Serena with this outfit balancing messy and chic. Crochet shorts and t-shirt are from Zara (totally unpredictable), and the sunnies are some classic Ray-Ban aviators. The necklaces (which I stole from my mother) balance the outfit, making it lean on the chic side of the Serena Scale. My shoes (not pictured) are my black Tory Burch sandals, which I use so much the label has worn off. I’m rating it a: “would wear again” / 10.
#3 A rarely successful DIY project
I’m a lot of things, but I don’t identify as particularly crafty. Yet, I saw this dress in Mango and fell absolutely in love, only to find out it had a hideous slip dress underneath. Not to fear! I cut it out and was now free to wear it in nothing but my underwear. I wore it with my D&G bag and my (other) pair of Tory Burch black sandals, though these are lace-up. I adore it, 100/10. A creepy old guy also asked me if I was a model while wearing it, isn’t that sweet…
#4 Does Martha Stewart have a Latina granddaughter?
Perhaps she does. I found this very cute pink linen shirt at Marshall's the other day and wore it over my bikini. The top of which is a Maaji family heirloom (AKA my aunt passed it down to me), and the bottom is Farm Rio from Saks off 5th. It was a #pantless day, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. 10/10
#5 Cosplaying as Carrie Bradshaw
I quite literally only bought this dress to cosplay as Carrie in season 1, episode 6 of Sex and the City. It cost me like $20 in Zara, and it broke the first time I wore it (tragic, I know). Luckily, my great-aunt has magical fingers, which stitched my dress back up until I couldn’t tell where it had broken. (Tatita, if you’re seeing this, thank you!). I finished the look with a low bun, black bag, and Tory Burch lace-ups. Rated 9/10 for the inconvenience.
#6 LoveShackFancy DOOP
This is another Marshall's find! This specific one is a PQ dress my mom found on Marshalls Online, and tell me this doesn’t look like LSF?! I paired the silver of the dress with the silver of these Free People sandals I bought in Nordstrom Rack years ago. Sadly that also means they are way too small on me now, I made it work but my toes now have a vendetta against me. So! I am currently on the hunt for a new pair, I’ll let you know how it goes. I wore it for Easter Brunch, and I couldn’t have been more on theme. Rated: Easter egg / 10
Use this method at your own risk, it might turn you into a fashionable psychopath too. I’ve already started my next PowerPoint, so stay tuned. Destination: Spain.
Love,
A Virgo moon
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